Do you ever feel like you spend more time pretending to be happy then actually being happy? You smile but beneath your smile you are dying inside. I feel like I have plenty of reasons to be happy but somehow it is not enough. I keep finding myself thinking “well if i only had this, I would be happy all the time.” But that is so wrong. You should be able to be happy with your life even if you don’t have everything you want right? I haven’t felt this way in a long time and maybe its just because I moved back for school. It seems like every time I move from school to home or from home to school I get depressed. It usually passes after a while but it sucks regardless. I think I lost my best friend. And I keep telling myself that its for the best because she really has said and done some horrible things to me in the past couple of years but I still miss her. And I miss T. He pretty much became my best friend this summer. I don’t know what I would do with out him and I can’t help thinking that eventually I will find out. He is never going to give me what I want. But its so hard finding someone else at his level. I feel like I look for him in every guy I meet. Maybe I shouldn’t even bother looking.
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